Traffic Travails

I recently took a position with a wonderful University that ended up being 28 miles from the home Left  Brain and I currently live in.  28 miles isn’t all that far away unless you have to deal with traffic.  I must deal with traffic.

It is a small price to pay when you consider the nice place we get to live, a place we are both happy about, but oh the grind of that drive everyday.  Not just TO work but coming home.

Theoretically, with the posted 70 m.p.h. speed limit I ought to be able to get from home to work in around 25 minutes (I’m no math genius as I just proved).  Actually, in a perfect driving world, I’d likely drive 81 m.p.h. on that road and be at work in an even shorter  time!

The above could, of course, only be true in a perfect world of perfect driving conditions, perfect road conditions and perfect OTHER drivers.

I try not to complain.  As it is, my work hours are better than they have been in years.  I leave the house about 7:05 a.m., arrive at work whenever time permits (usually around 7:50 a.m.) and head home at about 4:20 and get there about 5:20.  That still gets me home about full hour and a half sooner than my previous job.  That’s a bonus.  What isn’t a bonus is the traffic.  Why is it so bad?

There are several reasons it turns out.

1.       Bad road planning

2.       The mass of humanity going home at the same time

3.       Accidents and the Gawkers they produce

4.       Weather conditions

5.       Idiot motorists (which include the migratory weaver bird, in your face lane changer, late merger and slowpoke)

Let’s look at the reasons a little more closely, shall we?

Bad road and traffic planning…

Some road architectural dolt seems to have made a junction on my way to and from work that takes you from a 4 lane highway, down to a two lane for two miles to link you to the next five lane highway.  This bottle neck is the bane of my driving existence.  In the morning on my way into work it slows horribly there (20 m.p.h.) but at least we move!  In the evening, however, and I leave just prior to the peak rush hour, I can sit 2 miles back at a flat stand-still for long minutes just to make my way TO the bottleneck.

In all honesty, I hope the idiot that designed the two mile stretch of bottle neck is constantly stuck in some traffic Hades on a regular basis.  I hope his car seats are uncomfortable, his air conditioning on the fritz, his window buttons broken and his hemorrhoids large.  He deserves it.

The mass of humanity going home at the same time…

I don’t think there is much that can be done about this.  Left Brain informed me that he was told that the Big Three (GM, Ford, and Chrysler) shot down a plan for mass transportation, which could have alleviated some of the issues.  On the other hand would people in my community use mass transportation?  They love their cars.  This is car central. 

I took the train for a few months when we lived in Chicago.  I was not a fan of the train.  Would I rather drive the traffic in Chicago or take the train?  Oh, I can say for sure that the train was the way to go in Chicago.  In the town I am in now…I’d rather drive.  One reason being there is nothing within walking distance of the campus I work at which means I’d be stuck here if I needed out.

I don’t see that there is really any fixing the issue of so many people leaving work in a two hour time frame.  I think it will always be that way.

Accidents and the Gawkers they produce…

And here it is.  The thing that makes me the most angry.  I’ll be zipping along at oh…76 (closer to my home) and all of a sudden have to come to a complete stop.   You will sit for long periods of time to find you, who are in the far left lane of a 5 lane highway are sitting totally still for long miles and minutes because some goober, across 5 lanes of traffic and on the side of the road well out of traffic, has had car trouble or been in an accident.

I don’t understand this.  He’s off the road, we don't know him, he’s safe, there is no debris in the road and yet somehow, across 5 lanes of traffic his dilemma is somehow transmitted to motorists who seem to find this of interest and stop in the adjacent (and well out of the way) lanes of traffic.  WHY IS THIS?  Sometimes I can’t even see what is going on until I am well upon it.

Gawkers, they are the trouble.  I think there should be a no gawker lane.  Kind of like a carpool lane some cities have.  If you love to gawk, get in any of the other four lanes, but by golly keep thyself out of the NO GAWKER lane.  Those in that lane can happily bypass you as you sit and satiate your need for someone else’s dilemma.  Yep, I think I may have solved that particular issue.

Weather Conditions…

Something that can’t be helped, but on the other hand could be handled better!

Sun.  I travel to work toward the east and go home heading west.  Makes for some blinding conditions at certain times of the year.  People get some sunglasses for the love of Mike and clean off those windshields.  Your ride and drive would be better, you’d be staving off macular degeneration and you’d make many of your fellow motorists quite happy and a whole lot safer.

Rain.  Why is it that when it rains everyone has to slow down to a crawl.  I’m not talking rains that come down like monsoons, I’m talking anything from a soft Irish mist to a regular speed on your windshield wipers rain.  You’d think we were being hit by hurricane force rains the way people slow down.  Ok…hydroplaning, I get it, but really?  You could still drive 40 and be fine.  I PROMISE.

Snow.  Snow is the one thing we should all slow down for and yet there are those that think that snow means they must speed to get around all of us moving at a more sedate speed for safety.  NOTE I said sedate, not snail’s pace.  The people driving at a snail’s pace are as dangerous to snow drivers as the speed demon.  Brake tappers are also a danger to those of us just trying to get home in the two hour time frame we’ve set for ourselves.  Stop tapping your brakes and just keep yourself a safe distance from the car in front of you and at a reasonable speed.

Idiot Motorists…

I will never understand the migratory weaver bird.  This is someone who in the height of rush hour decides that the lane you are in is the one he needs to be in to go faster.  Give him and inch and he’ll take it.  When he realizes your lane is not going as fast as he estimated it would he will migrate, or weave, his way to the next lane he has determined will.  Watch him, he’ll do this down the highway and end up back in your lane, no further ahead but having wasted a couple gallons of gas to figure that out.  Fear not, he’ll be at it again tomorrow because he KNOWS some day all that movement will work out.

The in your face lane changer will pull the nose of his vehicle into your lane of traffic regardless of speed the lane is traveling at or amount of space between you and the car in front of you.  Once there if you make any exasperated kind of sounds or motions he is clued into them…he knows he is irksome, does not care and gets some sort of perverse pleasure in making fun of YOU for getting exasperated at him.  I get beside him eventually and pretend I’m taking his photo with my cell phone and give him the thumbs down while shaking my head sadly.  It doesn’t do anything but irk him back and well, sometimes I need to give as good as I get.

Did I mention the brake tapper…STOP IT.

The tailgater.  Where you going bub?  Can’t you see us all going the same speed at the same time?  You riding my fender will result in nothing but your aggravation or an accident.  BACK UP.

The late merger...right buddy.  You can be first AFTER me.