There are Often Two Differing Views on Being a Fix-It Woman

I often tease that I am not the boss, I am merely bossy.  But that's just it, I'M TEASING!

I don’t like being told I am bossy.  I think I am more determined than bossy.  There is nothing wrong with being determined, no matter what I hear to the contrary.  I see something that needs to be done and immediately my mind goes into overdrive.  I begin thinking:

1.       What would be the best way to do this?

2.       What would be the quickest way to do this?

3.       What would make sense down the road so that I will remember numbers one and two?

4.       How can I improve on the way it was done before?

The list can sometimes be endless.

Because I think of things in this manner and often come to some very good answers to the above, my bosses tend to love me, my coworkers come to me for advice and my man thinks I am bossy.

I don’t think of it as being bossy at all.  I’ve seen a situation or event that I see needs to be addressed, my head goes into overdrive and I see almost every possible solution or eventuality.  I then comment on how I think it should be done.  My way is NOT the only way I see things and sometimes when someone else will say “you know if we did it this way, put it there, or went this route” and it is better, I’m the first one to say “YES!”

My ex-husband accused me of being bossy to him.  He, however, could not ask for directions or where items were located at in a mall, or store.  He couldn’t order pizza and he definitely would never try to make a decision without a lot of input from me.  When asked why he couldn’t do any of the things listed (and more) he would say he didn’t know, didn’t care and I should “shut up and quit trying to psychoanalyze” him.  It wasn’t that I was trying to psychoanalyze him as much as it was I was trying to understand the behavior so I could modify my behavior accordingly. I tended to have to be bossy with him or nothing would get accomplished!

And here is where I say there are often two differing views on being a Fix-It Woman.

I guess I should explain my view of a fix-it woman (or  man).  A Fix-It person is someone who is intensely pro-active when it comes to things that need to be fixed in life.  It does not matter what the thing is.  It could be anything from personal relationships to making sure the tires on the car are inflated to the proper  PSI.  I don’t mean to imply that a fix-it person can, or even should, try to fix another person, but what the fix-it person does is takes in the whole picture as presented to them and then automatically goes into “how can I make this better so this person is not suffering, aggravated or angry so.”

In the work situation this is a great skill to have.  I am praised a great deal on performance reviews for this skill, in my home situations, not so much.

At home it is viewed as being bossy.  At home it is viewed as controlling.  At home it is something I am going to endeavor to stop unless asked specifically for my input.   For Left Brain to see me as controlling and bossy is not good.  Not good for him, it makes him very growly.  Not good for me, I want him to love me, not be angry with me always.  Not good for us, knowing he feels this way makes me pull in a good bit, and pull away from him in a way that would not be good down the line.  I see it as being myself and always trying to think 40 steps ahead.  His view of the Fix-It woman is not one I like much.  My changing my behavior however, is just another way of me being a Fix-It woman.  I must fix it for him, because the alternative is not pretty for me, him or us.  So it is a circular thought process.  He hates that I am this way, doesn't see it as me being this way, or just doesn't like it.  I will then change to fix it.  I guess you could say, fixing it in a different manner.  I hate this pattern as it is what was part of the ruination (lol) of marriage number one.

Maybe Fix-It people should stick to fixing situations not in the home, but let it run free at work.  I’m thinking this is probably the best plan.  It will be hard to implement, but I’m determined and once I am determined…well see, it is circular, I’ll be seen as bossy.

I suppose the best thing I can do is the best I CAN do.  Whether fixing-it, or not.