An old post that never made it, and now has. MOVING!

July 31, 2013

Moves from home to home are never fun.  I think that statement pretty much says it all.  They aren’t.  There is the packing, the loading, the tossing out of things, the wondering why you bought this, that, or the other, the bad knees and aching backs.  There is the worry of where you are going to put all that stuff, and the cost of the whole ordeal.

For reasons I’ll not go into as they are irrelevant to this post I left a long term marriage and a home I had lived in for 25+ years.  Do you have any idea how much “stuff” one can amass in 25+ years?  A lot let me tell you.  That move had me heading to Illinois.  As a lifetime Michigander, a people who more often than not look down on the Illinois-er…Illinois-an, whatever…it was a hard move, but a necessary one.  I moved as much as I personally could schlep into my Ford Explorer, and let me tell you, that Ford Explorer held a great deal.

I arrived in Illinois, unpacked and lived for a time with a friend, only to pack up and move in with Left Brain.  Move number two came in half a year.

When it came time to leave that house we opted for a smaller house that was more affordable for us.  A very wise move.  The economy was very rocky and the smart money was on those who had not overextended. 

When you downsize you find quickly that you have too much stuff.  Not only did we have to deal with Left Brain’s large collections of books, shoes, clothing, papers, keepsakes etc, we had also to deal my stuff and all the things that were too large for the house we bought.  Sadly, the house we were moving too could not fit the bookcases that Left Brain had to have for the 1500+ books that he was moving (yes you read that right).  I know that had to hurt him and so that hurts me.

We weeded through some stuff.  Left Brain moved a lot of the stuff he had to go through, which I find a little backward, but whatever works.  I started seeing that having less stuff isn’t so very bad.  The less you moved, the better you felt!  I don’t just mean physically but for me emotionally it was better to divest myself of cumbersome things I didn’t need.  Left Brain finds this a bit harder.  Part of it is his frugal nature.  He is so sure than one day, down the pike, he’ll have need of one thing or the other that he keeps, but the truth is this, he rarely does, and so my thinking is, “get rid of it.”

We move into our first home together.  I loved it other than the stairs.  I swear our first house in Michigan will have no stairs.   It is neat as a pin but the garage is piled up for far too long with…stuff.  We still need to work on our downsizing skills, but it is lovely.  Our first home that is OURS together and I love it.  We are there a year when Left Brain is laid off.  Scary thing, but we were wise and can afford this place on one income.  He looks and looks for work in the state but finds nothing.  He does, however, find work in not only my home state (Michigan) but my hometown! 

Left Brain moves there to see how it is all going to work out.  He leaves our home in February and thereafter only returns on weekend visits to me.  It is a hard few months but I begin the search for work in Michigan.  I am very fortunate to have blessings untold in the job hunt.   I accept an offer that makes me happiest and guess what?  For the fourth time in 3 years, I move again.

This move was hard as it was from one state to another.  This move was easy as it takes us to a place where the people still wish you a Merry Christmas and are kind to each other (by and large).

Yes, we still have stuff in Illinois in two teeny storage lockers,  yes we are in a two bedroom condo for a year while we look for a home, but we are together; happy, growing in love and assurance each and every day.

What I’ve learned from moving so much is this…

-Never let stuff be so important that impedes your movement to better things.

-Never have so much stuff that the quality items in life can’t be enjoyed due to the amount of useless stuff.

-Appreciate the things of value and learn how to discern what is merely stuff.

-Realize that living a more simplified life, one less encumbered by stuff, can be not only good, but excellent.

-Why are you saving the good bedding or dishes?  USE them or lose them. 

-There will be a time when you look back and think, “I wish I had kept that (insert item)” but those times will be few and far between and the good thing?  STUFF is easy to replace!

Traffic Travails

I recently took a position with a wonderful University that ended up being 28 miles from the home Left  Brain and I currently live in.  28 miles isn’t all that far away unless you have to deal with traffic.  I must deal with traffic.

It is a small price to pay when you consider the nice place we get to live, a place we are both happy about, but oh the grind of that drive everyday.  Not just TO work but coming home.

Theoretically, with the posted 70 m.p.h. speed limit I ought to be able to get from home to work in around 25 minutes (I’m no math genius as I just proved).  Actually, in a perfect driving world, I’d likely drive 81 m.p.h. on that road and be at work in an even shorter  time!

The above could, of course, only be true in a perfect world of perfect driving conditions, perfect road conditions and perfect OTHER drivers.

I try not to complain.  As it is, my work hours are better than they have been in years.  I leave the house about 7:05 a.m., arrive at work whenever time permits (usually around 7:50 a.m.) and head home at about 4:20 and get there about 5:20.  That still gets me home about full hour and a half sooner than my previous job.  That’s a bonus.  What isn’t a bonus is the traffic.  Why is it so bad?

There are several reasons it turns out.

1.       Bad road planning

2.       The mass of humanity going home at the same time

3.       Accidents and the Gawkers they produce

4.       Weather conditions

5.       Idiot motorists (which include the migratory weaver bird, in your face lane changer, late merger and slowpoke)

Let’s look at the reasons a little more closely, shall we?

Bad road and traffic planning…

Some road architectural dolt seems to have made a junction on my way to and from work that takes you from a 4 lane highway, down to a two lane for two miles to link you to the next five lane highway.  This bottle neck is the bane of my driving existence.  In the morning on my way into work it slows horribly there (20 m.p.h.) but at least we move!  In the evening, however, and I leave just prior to the peak rush hour, I can sit 2 miles back at a flat stand-still for long minutes just to make my way TO the bottleneck.

In all honesty, I hope the idiot that designed the two mile stretch of bottle neck is constantly stuck in some traffic Hades on a regular basis.  I hope his car seats are uncomfortable, his air conditioning on the fritz, his window buttons broken and his hemorrhoids large.  He deserves it.

The mass of humanity going home at the same time…

I don’t think there is much that can be done about this.  Left Brain informed me that he was told that the Big Three (GM, Ford, and Chrysler) shot down a plan for mass transportation, which could have alleviated some of the issues.  On the other hand would people in my community use mass transportation?  They love their cars.  This is car central. 

I took the train for a few months when we lived in Chicago.  I was not a fan of the train.  Would I rather drive the traffic in Chicago or take the train?  Oh, I can say for sure that the train was the way to go in Chicago.  In the town I am in now…I’d rather drive.  One reason being there is nothing within walking distance of the campus I work at which means I’d be stuck here if I needed out.

I don’t see that there is really any fixing the issue of so many people leaving work in a two hour time frame.  I think it will always be that way.

Accidents and the Gawkers they produce…

And here it is.  The thing that makes me the most angry.  I’ll be zipping along at oh…76 (closer to my home) and all of a sudden have to come to a complete stop.   You will sit for long periods of time to find you, who are in the far left lane of a 5 lane highway are sitting totally still for long miles and minutes because some goober, across 5 lanes of traffic and on the side of the road well out of traffic, has had car trouble or been in an accident.

I don’t understand this.  He’s off the road, we don't know him, he’s safe, there is no debris in the road and yet somehow, across 5 lanes of traffic his dilemma is somehow transmitted to motorists who seem to find this of interest and stop in the adjacent (and well out of the way) lanes of traffic.  WHY IS THIS?  Sometimes I can’t even see what is going on until I am well upon it.

Gawkers, they are the trouble.  I think there should be a no gawker lane.  Kind of like a carpool lane some cities have.  If you love to gawk, get in any of the other four lanes, but by golly keep thyself out of the NO GAWKER lane.  Those in that lane can happily bypass you as you sit and satiate your need for someone else’s dilemma.  Yep, I think I may have solved that particular issue.

Weather Conditions…

Something that can’t be helped, but on the other hand could be handled better!

Sun.  I travel to work toward the east and go home heading west.  Makes for some blinding conditions at certain times of the year.  People get some sunglasses for the love of Mike and clean off those windshields.  Your ride and drive would be better, you’d be staving off macular degeneration and you’d make many of your fellow motorists quite happy and a whole lot safer.

Rain.  Why is it that when it rains everyone has to slow down to a crawl.  I’m not talking rains that come down like monsoons, I’m talking anything from a soft Irish mist to a regular speed on your windshield wipers rain.  You’d think we were being hit by hurricane force rains the way people slow down.  Ok…hydroplaning, I get it, but really?  You could still drive 40 and be fine.  I PROMISE.

Snow.  Snow is the one thing we should all slow down for and yet there are those that think that snow means they must speed to get around all of us moving at a more sedate speed for safety.  NOTE I said sedate, not snail’s pace.  The people driving at a snail’s pace are as dangerous to snow drivers as the speed demon.  Brake tappers are also a danger to those of us just trying to get home in the two hour time frame we’ve set for ourselves.  Stop tapping your brakes and just keep yourself a safe distance from the car in front of you and at a reasonable speed.

Idiot Motorists…

I will never understand the migratory weaver bird.  This is someone who in the height of rush hour decides that the lane you are in is the one he needs to be in to go faster.  Give him and inch and he’ll take it.  When he realizes your lane is not going as fast as he estimated it would he will migrate, or weave, his way to the next lane he has determined will.  Watch him, he’ll do this down the highway and end up back in your lane, no further ahead but having wasted a couple gallons of gas to figure that out.  Fear not, he’ll be at it again tomorrow because he KNOWS some day all that movement will work out.

The in your face lane changer will pull the nose of his vehicle into your lane of traffic regardless of speed the lane is traveling at or amount of space between you and the car in front of you.  Once there if you make any exasperated kind of sounds or motions he is clued into them…he knows he is irksome, does not care and gets some sort of perverse pleasure in making fun of YOU for getting exasperated at him.  I get beside him eventually and pretend I’m taking his photo with my cell phone and give him the thumbs down while shaking my head sadly.  It doesn’t do anything but irk him back and well, sometimes I need to give as good as I get.

Did I mention the brake tapper…STOP IT.

The tailgater.  Where you going bub?  Can’t you see us all going the same speed at the same time?  You riding my fender will result in nothing but your aggravation or an accident.  BACK UP.

The late merger...right buddy.  You can be first AFTER me.

There are Often Two Differing Views on Being a Fix-It Woman

I often tease that I am not the boss, I am merely bossy.  But that's just it, I'M TEASING!

I don’t like being told I am bossy.  I think I am more determined than bossy.  There is nothing wrong with being determined, no matter what I hear to the contrary.  I see something that needs to be done and immediately my mind goes into overdrive.  I begin thinking:

1.       What would be the best way to do this?

2.       What would be the quickest way to do this?

3.       What would make sense down the road so that I will remember numbers one and two?

4.       How can I improve on the way it was done before?

The list can sometimes be endless.

Because I think of things in this manner and often come to some very good answers to the above, my bosses tend to love me, my coworkers come to me for advice and my man thinks I am bossy.

I don’t think of it as being bossy at all.  I’ve seen a situation or event that I see needs to be addressed, my head goes into overdrive and I see almost every possible solution or eventuality.  I then comment on how I think it should be done.  My way is NOT the only way I see things and sometimes when someone else will say “you know if we did it this way, put it there, or went this route” and it is better, I’m the first one to say “YES!”

My ex-husband accused me of being bossy to him.  He, however, could not ask for directions or where items were located at in a mall, or store.  He couldn’t order pizza and he definitely would never try to make a decision without a lot of input from me.  When asked why he couldn’t do any of the things listed (and more) he would say he didn’t know, didn’t care and I should “shut up and quit trying to psychoanalyze” him.  It wasn’t that I was trying to psychoanalyze him as much as it was I was trying to understand the behavior so I could modify my behavior accordingly. I tended to have to be bossy with him or nothing would get accomplished!

And here is where I say there are often two differing views on being a Fix-It Woman.

I guess I should explain my view of a fix-it woman (or  man).  A Fix-It person is someone who is intensely pro-active when it comes to things that need to be fixed in life.  It does not matter what the thing is.  It could be anything from personal relationships to making sure the tires on the car are inflated to the proper  PSI.  I don’t mean to imply that a fix-it person can, or even should, try to fix another person, but what the fix-it person does is takes in the whole picture as presented to them and then automatically goes into “how can I make this better so this person is not suffering, aggravated or angry so.”

In the work situation this is a great skill to have.  I am praised a great deal on performance reviews for this skill, in my home situations, not so much.

At home it is viewed as being bossy.  At home it is viewed as controlling.  At home it is something I am going to endeavor to stop unless asked specifically for my input.   For Left Brain to see me as controlling and bossy is not good.  Not good for him, it makes him very growly.  Not good for me, I want him to love me, not be angry with me always.  Not good for us, knowing he feels this way makes me pull in a good bit, and pull away from him in a way that would not be good down the line.  I see it as being myself and always trying to think 40 steps ahead.  His view of the Fix-It woman is not one I like much.  My changing my behavior however, is just another way of me being a Fix-It woman.  I must fix it for him, because the alternative is not pretty for me, him or us.  So it is a circular thought process.  He hates that I am this way, doesn't see it as me being this way, or just doesn't like it.  I will then change to fix it.  I guess you could say, fixing it in a different manner.  I hate this pattern as it is what was part of the ruination (lol) of marriage number one.

Maybe Fix-It people should stick to fixing situations not in the home, but let it run free at work.  I’m thinking this is probably the best plan.  It will be hard to implement, but I’m determined and once I am determined…well see, it is circular, I’ll be seen as bossy.

I suppose the best thing I can do is the best I CAN do.  Whether fixing-it, or not.

All By Myself

For the first time in my 54 years of life, I find myself all alone. 

Living alone was never a thought for me.  I lived in the home of my father for 18 years, married and lived with a husband for 30-plus years and then to live with a friend until I moved in with Left Brain. 

I guess it is not such an odd circumstance to find oneself in but I have to say I am not much a fan of it. 

It's not so much that I'm a serial monogamist, I guess as an extrovert who gets their energy from others, I find it boring and have gotten tired of it quickly.

Left Brain has accepted a job back in Michigan, more noteably in my old hometown.  He is there now while I stay at our home in the not-so-great state of Illinois, working and waiting to see how he does at this new venture.  It would be foolish of me to sell our home and quit my job if for some unforseen reason this job didn't pan out.

This  leaves me at our home with the three dogs (aka the boys, or the Generals; Sherman, Custer and Stonewall).  They alone keep me from getting too much rest, they entertain me and are actually a type of family for me.

That being said ~

Left Brain being gone ...that's tough.

I miss his little (and not so little) quirks.

I miss:

• His constant need to know where the remote is.  If it is lost, it as if the world has gone off its axis.
• The way he talks to the television during a sports crappola shows.
• How he locks every door and turns out every light the moment he is finished going through it or using it. 
• "I'm old and infirmed."  "I could eat."  "Be that as it may."  "They can pound sand."
• The way he brushes his teeth (this will make him laugh)
• The way he closes the slider blinds so hard I am surprised they are still attached

But more than that I miss:

• The warmth of him in the bed beside me.
• Snuggling on the couch beside him
• Eating dinner and talking with him
• "You are the darling of my heart."   "You are so beautiful to me." "I cannot get enough of you."
• His chest.  Being held there makes my entire world better.

and all the other things he does to make my world a happier place. 

The day he left, I was a very brave woman.  I smiled and reassured him.  He was having trouble leaving me too.  Two hours in, however, I was a basket case.  I was sad beyond measure.  I hurt with the lonlies for him.

It has now been three nights without him.  I've found I can rig a queen size pillow beside me at night and keep his spare pillow near to have a pseudo Left Brain beside me at all times throughout the night.  He calls to wake me each morning...the first thing I still hear each morning is "Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?"  I talk to him thoroughout the day.  In these things I know I am very lucky.

You see...it isn't that I'm so much all by myself for the first time, it is that I am sans Left Brain and that, my friends makes all the difference in the world. 

Being alone, I could handle that I think.  I'd be out with friends, I'd take up hobbies.  Being without Left Brain means part of me, I think the best part, is missing.

On that note....GUESS WHO IS HOME THIS WEEKEND?  Let the smilefest begin!