Left Brain and I did it. We got married. Much to the chagrin of my very religious family we lived together for 5 years prior to getting married so when people heard we were finally doing the deed, they kept asking, "are you so excited?"
The truth is this. No. No, I was not excited. In my heart I had been married to Left Brain the entire time we lived together. I couldn't "call" him husband, but husband he was.
My Aunties Crystal and Geneva both said the same. "In God's eyes you are married. You've committed to each other, so what does it matter what man thinks." Those of the uber religious set see it differently, however.
When you feel you were already married the wedding seemed more of a 'make it official' thing that needed to happen, I suppose. In fact, now that we are married Left Brain prefers I call him husband. I still prefer to call him boyfriend. When he is old(er) and gray(er) ... he will still be my boyfriend. In my heart, this is how I see him.
Did I marry Left Brain to hush up the talk, or to soothe the ruffled feathers of a very judgmental and vastly ashamed mother? Again, the answer is "NO." I married him because I wanted to marry my best friend. I wanted to share his name. I wanted to be his in the official sense, but more than anything else, I married him because I love him!
Left Brain's mother (a woman that I regret never having been able to meet; I'd have loved her utterly) used to say, "God writes straight with crooked lines." In our case the lines were more jagged, but the sentiment is the same. God got us where He wanted us, in a rather hectic, up and down way. Despite the roller coaster ride, I am very thankful to God for getting us there!
Our wedding was a small affair attended by very few people, and only people that we wanted to witness it. I'm so glad his best man, John, who was there to support Left Brain through thick and thin was there going "top banana" a term he used for buying a new suit. I'm glad my Cheryl Lou was there and her sweet husband. Her family is closer to me in ways than anyone else, and that pleases my heart and blesses my soul.
The minister, a high school friend, had asked us to write letters to him describing why we wanted to marry each other and what we loved about the other with the intent of using some of the content of those letters in our vows. The letters were written, the words never used in the service as he didn't 'have time to read them.' But here is what I wrote about my best friend, my darling, my boyfriend...my husband...
It is hard for me to differentiate between why I love Left Brain and what I love about Left Brain. Many of the things I feel about Left Brain and my love OF him fall into both categories.
One of the most wonderful things about Left Brain is his incredible generosity. To his friends he is giving, he is thoughtful, he is helpful, he is kind. Take those things and multiply them by 1000 and you would have a small glimpse into his generosity towards me.
If I know nothing else in my life, I know that with Left Brain, I am loved. Loved utterly. Loved as I am. Being myself is not merely OK with him, it is encouraged. He wants me to only be true to who I am and never worry about being what others want me to be. "Just K" is "just fine" with Left Brain.
With Left Brain I am free to say it all, to feel it all, and to know that no matter what, I am loved. There is no judgment, there is only love for me. Sometimes I know I do things that are unlovable, but even then, I can see and feel Left Brain's love of me. To feel loved in this manner is filling. It brings me courage and strength.
Left Brain is strong, he is hopeful, he is happy, he is delightfully ornery and more than anything else that he is...he is mine to keep and love and hold dear for eternity.
His laughter warms me, I love nothing more than to make him chuckle and have him repeat what I've said as if he can't actually believe I'd say something like that. It tickles him, and it that makes me happy all over. His arms feel like home to me. If I am scared that is where I want to be. If I am sad, it is the only place that comforts me. If I feel great joy, I want to be right there, in his arms to share that with him. Love doesn't run from us, it doesn't hurt us, it runs to us, protects us, shares with us, protects and buoys us.
He's given me reason to believe that everything really IS going to be alright. His mother used to say, "God writes straight on crooked lines." Left Brain says "Sweetheart, He knows where He wants us to be, and we'll get there eventually" and while that is something I've always known, Left Brain feels that to his bones. We'll get there. Maybe not in the way we intended, but get there...we will.
I love that he is quirky and ornery, dry and sometimes droll. I love that I will always be able to count on him. I love that he is brilliant, he'll scoff at that but anyone who has spent 10 minutes with my Webster, really getting to know him, knows this! I love that he is learning to let go of some self-doubt, realize he is loved no matter what, and that everyone makes mistakes. That life is supposed to be messy and that through it all, we do better, when we do it together!
I love that when my grandchildren are with us, he treats them kindly, with love and respect. I am so pleased that he too has fallen in love with them and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they know he loves them. They tell me they love him too. How could they not? He sees them as I do, intelligent, precocious and he deeply treasures that and them.
Left Brain and I found each other late in life, and because of that I believe that we both feel deeply that the time we have together should be spent encouraging each other, being there for each other and sharing as many experiences together as we can, while we can.
I'm so glad that Left Brain and I get to share the rest of our forever.
Yep, so...I married my best friend and it will always make me happy to be in any way near him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o96r6qr9CEw
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